Many things in life are less than awesome, for example broccoli, wooden pencils that require sharpening, and mops (the floppy kind that look like old fashioned wigs.) An easy and significant improvement to many of these things, I think, would be to create them out of a more all around loved material, such as pancakes. And so, I present to you, a marvelous list of ten things that would be better, had they been made of pancakes.
10: Wooden pencils that require sharpening
Many people have already realized the beauty of mechanical pencils (less manual labour, and always a sharp point!) Wooden pencils are uncomfortable against the skin of the fingers and, after a short period of time, dull to a round, soft nub that is barely of any use when trying to write. Pancakes, as opposed to wood, are soft and flexible things that would allow for all-around comfort for the writing hand. Because of the simple design, different forms of graphite, felt, or ink (such as the kind in ball point pens) could very easily be stored in such pencils, allowing for a much quicker, simpler writing experience. When the pancake exterior wears down, a new pancake could quickly and easily replace the old, creating a clean, soft and practical writing utensil.
9: School chairs
The chairs at schools have many clear faults, the least of which is that they’re not super comfy. (Actually, they’re not that bad, but they’d be way better if they were made of delicious breakfast food.) They give students shocks if they’ve been shuffling across carpet, and, for the long-haired students, the metal bolts love to cling to hair and not let go, especially when the student stands up and feels the sharp pain of losing four or five hairs. Pancakes could easily be stacked together to form a nice chair shape, which would be soft and comfortable for a tired student. Pancakes are not good conductors of electricity and are not able to cling to hair, making them a wonderful option for seat material.
I’ll admit it, I actually really like broccoli. When it’s cooked. In fact, lots of people do, but I’m sure that most of them will agree that broccoli would be infinitely better if it was not a squeaky vegetable and was, in fact, pancakes.
7: Mops that look like wigs
Fun as they are to ballroom dance with, those mops are not very practical. They leave enormous puddles of water and scoot right over the messes that really need to be cleaned up. Pancakes are highly absorbent, flexible things that would really make excellent mops, if attached to the poles the right way. Of course, these would have to be highly durable pancakes, to survive the wear and tear that comes along with mop life.
Earrings are lots of fun. I love earrings. But honestly, if earrings were pancakes, even guys would make a point to wear them on both ears, all the time. (Seriously. Tasty breakfasty goodness hanging from your ears all day? Sounds good to me.)
Every cartoon character has had the dream where they’re in the land of giant breakfasts and wake up without their blanket. Though blankets are pretty great just as they are, pancakes are pancakes. Imagine a fluffy, warm, sweet smelling blanket that you could chomp into when you got hungry. There could even be a special compartment installed in the sides of beds to hold syrup and orange juice. Breakfast in bed could have a whole new meaning.
Everyone wants a world with no violence. Imagine shooting a gun and having a pancake fly out and slap your enemy in the face. Satisfying? Yes. Especially if the pancake is syrupy and covered in fruit. Effective? Yes. Violent? Not at all. The biggest battle wound you could get would be a small burn caused by an overcooked pancake to exposed skin.
3: Those weird bibs they make you wear at the dentist so you don’t drool on yourself
They smell weird, they’re papery and pinkish… really. If they were made of pancakes, when you were finished at the dentist you could just take home your bib and devour it. (After 30-60 minutes for the flouride to set in, of course.)
2: Shopping bags
Malls wouldn’t even need food courts!
1: Breakfast dishes
Making dishes out of pancakes would be superb- but only if they were the dishes used at breakfast, and no other meal. Cereal and pancakes would be good. Steak and potatoes and pancakes would be less good.
…To sum up, basically a lot of things would be considerably more exciting if made of pancakes. What do you think?